Close Encounter of the 3rd Kind
Recently, a guy friend of mine shared with me that he had the same "touchy" experience like i did at the movies. He went out with this gal (a very platonic friend he swears) and she apparently got a little too close for comfort. She allegedly grabbed his arm a few times, and even leaned her head on his shoulder.
Now, i seriously don't know why he's complaining. This gal isn't bad looking, and don't guys always say that they appreciate it when gals make the first move?? So why is he so unnerved by it?
Sigh... the only conclusion i can think of is that guys just don't mean what they say. All they tell u about how they like gals to take the initiative? It's bullshit ok? Guys still have caveman mentality... if they don't get to hammer the gal on her head & drag her back into their caves, they just don't feel shiok.
It's tough to be a gal.
Another Birthday Greeting!
Happy Birthday Galapogos!! Lao ma wishes u big big USD!! :P
More Birthday Greetings
Happy Birthday to Jukebox & Gymer.
Jukebox, may you always be close to Jesus and here's wishing you every blessing He gives.
Gymer, thank you for the lovely BBQ. You have been a fantastic friend and listener through the years. May you find someone that'll bring you happiness soon.
Happy Birthday guys!
The unbearable loneliness of being
4:23am. My friend just called & woke me up. I asked him why he was calling me so late. He said that he thought I would be awake 'cos it was a Saturday. Upon hearing that, i thought perhaps he just got back to Singapore (he's a pilot) & i reminded him that it was already Sunday, and that i was asleep when he called.
ABC then started rambling on in Cantonese... very unprecise Cantonese and that's when i realised that something wasn't right - he was high (but not drunk). ABC was still sober enough to ask me if i was going to church and what time i was waking up if i was. I told him that my church starts at 10am so i'll probably be waking about 9am.
In his half-drunken rambling, ABC even cussed. This was the first time i've heard him swear (ok, i confess, i'm usually the hot-tempered one who may let loose some flowery language when provoked.) We somehow managed to speak about meeting for dinner soon.
4:33am. Our conversation lasted about 3mins. I feel a little disturbed about the whole episode. I used to be rather good friends with ABC (he was my senior in NTU). He is/was a Christian but has backslided in recent years. From the little that we communicate nowadays, i know that his current lifestyle consists mainly of clubbing/pubbing/drinking whenever he's back in Singapore. It isn't very healthy and it makes me worry for him. I just sent him an sms to ask if he's back home safe & sound. He hasn't replied. I pray that he is.
Somehow i sense that it's an emptiness inside that pushes him to this current lifestyle. It's the feeling of being alone in a crowd. Just last night, i met up with some havokers for dinner and dessert. The group decided to split after dinner. I told Zounds that i didn't feel like going home and i was considering going to Union Square for salsa... but then i realised that while i didn't want to be alone, going to Union wouldn't help 'cos i wouldn't feel any less lonely than i was. It was at that particular moment that i realised i'm at a rather vulnerable period now emotional. If any eligible chaps were to come along now, i might actually get attached 'cos i wanted company? With that realisation, it also dawned upon me that only God can quench that loneliness and thirst for a fuller life.
4:40am. I hope ABC is sound asleep now. He has changed somewhat. I miss my old friend. :(
Fly Away
Won free tickets to the F.I.R. live showcase at IMM Building, courtesy of Singnet. I've always liked some of their songs but was never a real fan. I was sufficiently impressed at the showcase however, to say that if they were to have a concert in SG, i would definitely consider going. I admire all singers who can pull off live performances and i really like the lyrics of some of their songs. Maybe it reflects the different chapters of my life. The first F.I.R. song that caught my attention was 我们的爱. Here are the lyrics... 我们的爱
歌手:飞儿乐团
回忆里想起模糊的小时候
云朵漂浮在蓝蓝的天空
那时候的你说
要和我手牵手
一起走到时间的尽头
从此以后我都不敢抬头看
彷佛我的天空失去了颜色
从那一天起
我忘记了呼吸
眼泪啊永远不再
不再哭泣
我们的爱
过了就不再回来
直到现在
我还默默的等待
我们的爱
我明白
以变成你的负担
只是永远
我都放不开
最后的温暖
你给的温暖
不要再问你是否爱我
现在我想要自由的天空
远离开这被捆绑的世界
不再寂寞
The song comes from their first album and the lyrics of the song expresses very well certain thoughts i've always had. Recently, F.I.R. released their 2nd album and their new song, 把爱放开 has been getting quite a bit of airplay. This song caught my attention 'cos it starts off with an acapella rendition of half the chorus of 我们的爱. Very ingenious i feel! The lyrics also "continue the story" from the first song. But in this song, it basically talks about having to let go of an old love. The line i like best in this song is, "这次我决定走出回忆重来" which translates directly to "this time i've decided to walk out of my memories".
把爱放开
歌手:飞儿乐队 专辑:无限
我们的爱过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默的等待
当你开始追寻你要的自由
放开我们紧握的手
带走我的爱和天空
我不知所措我以为我会懂
我们的爱我们的爱
当我独自走到时间的尽头
回忆和我擦身而过
带走你的爱和笑容
我无力承受最后的一点心痛
我们的爱我们的爱
把爱放开把手放开
如果你的心已不在
把爱放开不再等待
你的温柔是一片空白
把爱放开把心打开
这次我决定走出回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
啊......
这次我决定走出所有回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
终于明白爱已不再
从今以后再也没有什么能去依赖
我还有什么期待
One of the last songs (or was it the last? I don't remember... Zounds do u recall?) that F.I.R. presented on Sunday was, Love*3. A very chirpy song, totally different feel from the two above. I really like the playfulness of the song. Lifts my spirits everytime i hear it! (Yeah, it's made it to my handphone ringtone! :P)
love*3
歌手:f.i.r 专辑:无限
填词:f.i.r.编曲:奥斯卡
跟我说love love love
大声说love love love
有一天这世界会为我改变
跟我说love love love
love love love
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you
闭上了眼睛勇敢的前进没有时间害羞
也许你不懂就是没把握但请别怕心动
因为爱有一种你猜不透的温柔
相信我靠紧我别问为什么
幸福一靠近阴天就放晴跟我一起遨游
一个不小心雀跃的心情已经洋溢心头
因为爱就是你可以任性的理由
相信我靠紧我那就这么做
这世界寂寞太多别吝啬一句问候
是谁说制造浪漫是种罪过
看着我不用多说什么有你最懂我
love love love love love love
love love love love just be with you
love love love love yes i love you
紧握住我的双手勇敢的say it
i love you
And no, i'm not hinting that i'm going to go up to anyone and declare my love... haha. Just wanted to share some nice songs. But this is an indication as to what songs i'll be singing at my next KTV outing... ;)
(Disclaimer: once i've memorised the lyrics.)
The last F.I.R. song is heh... a song i hope i can find someone to sing to someday. (I like the music / instruments used a lot!)
you make me want to fall in love
歌手:f.i.r. 专辑:f.i.r.(飞儿乐团)
you make me want to fall in love
作词:f.i.r.
作曲:f.i.r.
编曲:terence teo
我愿用我有限
的永远
交换曾经快乐
的泪水
穿越不安地带
穿越所有危险
来到你身边
*我有时相信美丽
的预言
却又不想如此
心甘情愿
直到你的出现
才了解这一切
因为你而改变
#you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
也不管明天会如何
只要今生有你左右
陪着我不再寂寞
you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~
瞬间也可以是永恒
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中
repeat *,#
就算岁月带你走
就算距离淹没我
还是一直守候着
我会永远为了你存在
repeat #
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中
I encourage all to get their album. :)
Mobile phones are like men...
I've been rather disgruntled with my Nokia 6260 smartphone. Not only is it not very smart, it's really slow and suicidal too (keeps hanging)! Was considering selling it off, as well as my trusty 6230, and getting a 6230i in their place. Zounds pointed out that that would be a minimal upgrade... but seriously, the 6230 has all the features that i want, except for a lousy screen resolution. Hence with the 6230i, i would have all the features i want, plus an even better camera than its predecessor, and with better screen resolution too! The only drawback is that with the 6230i, i won't be able to log onto mobile ICQ & MSN anymore. And i'll have to give up my wish for a flip design phone.
Zounds then recommended me the Sony Ericsson's K750i 'cos it purportedly has a good camera... but i found the design too manly. What caught my eye was the SE Z520i. The design is exactly the flip type that i've been looking for! Unfortunately, the Z520i doesn't have expandable memory which means its MP3 function is worthless really. (http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=sg&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1&zone=pp&lm=pp)
After comparing the 6230i, Z520i, K750i and so on, i can only draw 1 conclusion - mobile phones are like men... substance & looks - u just can't have both.
:(
My 3rd Regret
No worries... am not in a sad mood. Just felt that it was time to share about my 3rd regret, which is sort of like a combination of the first two...
When i was in TJC, i used to IRC quite often. I used to chat quite a bit with this senior of mine, Lancer. Our paths didn't cross much in school so we barely talked much in person. But almost every nite, we would chat on IRC. Perhaps it's precisely 'cos we didn't see much of each other in school that made it easy for us to share our thoughts on issues that arose, and our feelings on problems we encountered.
After Lancer graduated from TJC and went into the army, his visits to IRC became more irregular. A year passed quickly and i entered NTU. By then, i had almost stopped IRC-ing completely and thus my friendship with Lancer faded into virtual oblivion. I always told myself that one day... one day, i would get Lancer's email add from mutual friends so i could add him on ICQ. Actually, i could vaguely remember his email add but somehow this huge procastination stopped me from doing something as simple as a search for Lancer on ICQ.
About 3 years later (i think), i was shopping with azure 1 day when we saw Lancer at Citylink mall. We were both walking quite fast in the opposite direction but when i walked past him, i stopped in my tracks, turned around and exclaimed to azure, "That's Lancer!". It was so silly... i actually momentarily forgot his real name and remembered only his IRC nick.
At that moment in time, i was really undecided between running after him to say hi, or to just continue towards Suntec. As his figure disappeared quickly into the crowds, i once again told myself, "Oh well, doesn't matter. I'll just look for him on ICQ."
Sadly, a few months after that, i received a call from azure one night & learnt that Lancer had passed away. That was in Nov 2001. Lancer died of a heart attack while studying for his exams. Azure & i attended Lancer's wake... we seemed a little out of place there 'cos we were the only ones not from his clique of friends. But i thought the least i could do was to pay my last respects.
(GASP! I just recalled something! Last week, i saw this guy and thought he looked real familiar... somehow i knew he was from TJ... and now that i'm writing about Lancer, i remember that that guy was a the same table as azure & me at the wake and he gave us a ride home after that!)
Since then, whenver i bump into someone i know, i always ask myself this question - will i regret it if i don't go up to say hi to that person? Sometimes even if i know just saying hi will not resurrect the friendship, i think it's still worth touching base... 'cos it's really just about letting the other person know that you care even if both of you live in completely different worlds.
There is still 1 old friend that i've not contacted for some time now. He's my good old brother, Scorpio. Scorpio's another TJ senior that i grew close to over IRC. I remember he treated azure & i to dessert (twice) & Kenny Rogers when he came back to visit us while we were studying for our 'A' levels. Oh... he bought me chocolates too to encourage me to study.. haha. (Azure - do u remember this? When Scorpio came to visit us in JC, i was having some remedial maths lesson in the old old LT - LT3 or 4 i think... and u met up with him first, then paged for me and i rushed down once my lesson ended?)
Ok... all talk and no action is no good! I shall contact Scorpio again within the next week. Sure hope he hasn't changed his mobile number! I think we last met like 2 years back? :(
That said, i actually had a very fulfilling past week. Work wise it was quite jam packed with deadlines & viewings... but i'm very glad that in spite of the "hectic-ness" of it all, i managed to meet up with 2 good friends, Adam & Jukebox. I also finally dropped by Airbus' place to collect the birthday presents he bought for me from the US. (THANK YOU!!) Met some colleagues at salsa last night, and had a really good time with Iceman tonight, downing 2 pints of Hoegarden at Blooie's & watching Shrek 2.
It was rather stressful juggling my time... but in retrospect, the satisfaction is more than worth the stress. :)
Evil UptownGal strikes again!
I just did something really really evil... i sort of tricked Adam into revealing the URL of Superman's blog to me....
What happened was that Adam told me that Superman found my blog interesting and had a link from his blog to mine. As usual, the kaypoh part of me kicked in and i wanted to read what Superman wrote in his blog. I asked Superman this afternoon if i could have the URL but he said declined saying that some stuff were too personal. I didn't persist and let the matter pass. Nevertheless, i must add that i was really really extremely totally deeply flattered that someone actually thought my blog was worth reading.
Then just now... as in JUST now, Adam sms'd me to ask if i've got the URL of Superman's blog. I just replied, "nope". Adam promptly logged onto the Internet and sent the URL to me. I deliberated for a while... should i go see his blog? In the end, curiousity got the better of me and i did.
Saw a short entry where Superman gave his comments about my blog. Very very pleased because it was a huge encouragement to me...*floats away to cloud 9*.... 'cos this morning, Iceman commented that he finds it amazing how people can share about their personal problems so openly. His statement made me wonder if i should perhaps tone down on what i write... it made me question if it was wrong to blog about personal issues?
Anyway, i think i'll keep up with this 'cos it's a good avenue to air my grievances & pet peeves. Oh yeah, back to Superman's blog. Why i just gave him the nick Superman... 'cos i'm SO impressed by the number of things he gets done! This guy is like a super athelete, plays the piano, is starting a KTV routine, dances salsa, has a good reading list, and goes on road trips?! Mind blowing! I'm totally bowled over by his new year resolutions and his progress on them. Gee... i feel ashamed at how i just keep whining about my poor grasp of traditional Chinese when i see the progress he's made!
So i'm like totally impressed now. I found Superman! If Superman gives permission, i'll like to do a link from my blog to his too!
Birthday Greetings!
Merrily sings,
"Happy Birthday to Adam,
Happy Birthday to Socks,
Happy Birthday to Superman...
Happy Birthday to you!"
:P
Emotional Piles
Long time ago, when i was working in an insurance company, this underwriter used to comment that some agents are like piles - they never go away. I thought this analogy was really apt 'cos agents can be real bothersome... and as underwriters, it was just so appropriate to use a medical condition to describe them.
I think i suffer from emotional piles. I always upset myself over someone, then i treat it with a bit of logical contemplation and it goes away, only to return not too long after. I've been struggling with my emotional piles again the past few months. The condition got better then worse, then better again... it has been quite a rollercoaster ride.
The deal is i like this guy. But this chap obviously doesn't like me. Was telling a friend, Enix, about it and he thinks that i should just do a showhand before i "throw in the towel". I was going to do that (that was the wild thing i told azure i might do on my birthday) but decided that i didn't need my piles exploding in my face (ass... whatever...) so i kept my feelings in check.
I really should have talked to God more about this but i didn't. Thankfully, i think our Father knows what troubles us and i had a small epiphany tonight. I can't quite put it in words yet but i think i know what God wants me to do. It boils down to 1 word - trust. To trust that everything works for the good of those who love Him. Or as what someone told me a long long time ago - when you get things right with God, everything else will fall in place. Being a naturally gan cheong person, i often cannot grasp this concept. But it's ok. God is patient. He has given me extra tuition in this aspect. (God must be Singaporean. :P)
Hence, putting aside the painful emotional piles i've been having (the pain doesn't go away immediately but at least i know nipping it now is the way to go), there's a more pressing matter on hand!
How the heck am i supposed to react the next time i meet Cuppaccino?! ARGHHHHH!!!! I can't believe i did what i did! This is soooo bad. Can a person die from embarrassment? My goodness, i may be the first. I totally can't get over what has transpired man! Words fail me completely. *Bangs head on keyboard*. asdbl;f a;sdfj;'a we'apg' 'psap02q3r5
Shared my cringe worthy story with Adam just now and i think he was rather amused. But Adam managed to put a good band-aid on my blistering ego. (It's like the ultimate malu lor!) He said, "let Cuppa handle it". Such a simple statement but so profoundly true. Heh... why get myself flustered up right?
With my 2 biggest issues resolved, i think i can sleep soundly tonight. Uh oh... it's 5:20am now... not going to get much more sleep. I think i'll need to overdose on coffee again tomorrow...
A series of unfortunate events
Just not feeling very good about this weekend. Am glad it's over. Heard some unhappy news and had some unpleasant dreams.
姜还是老的辣
Over the past month, I spent quite a few of my weekends chatting with this "elder" at the showflat. He's in semi-retirement having made good in business, and spends quite a bit of his time in church work now. Ginger is Catholic and through his sharings, i realised that the basic fundamentals of Protestants and Catholics aren't that different. He is also an avid driver of the Alpha Programme in his church.
As Ginger is a lot older than me, i've grown to respect him a lot through our chats. But last week, i found out that he actually told some of the agents who are working for my company, that they are welcomed to join his company anytime. Sure, contractually agents are independent contractors and they can choose to hop to any company they want. But it doesn't feel right that my agents are being poached in the showflat. He may have said that it is their choice, but to allow this when both our companies are stationed at the same project doesn't seem very sound ethical.... at least not to me.
Ginger doesn't know that i'm aware of what's going on. None of the agents know actually... they would not have guessed that their agent in-charge is my good friend and hence she told me about this. I was going to talk to Ginger about this, well, hint to him that this wasn't an appropriate thing to do but he didn't come to the showflat this week. I'm disappointed in how this has turned out. Perhaps this is how people are in business.
If-Then-Else
If you have ever learnt any programming language, you will surely come across this phrase, "if then else". I like it when i know the "if then else" that i am going to take in any particular situation 'cos it helps me move forward. Once you know the options available to you, and you decide in advance what are the various actions you will take when a particular scenario happens, you can easily deal with it 'cos you have pre-decided what course of action to take.
Recently, Patience met an old friend of hers, Mr. Carrot. Patience and Mr. Carrot go way back... they used to study togther when they were younger. Zounds will find the name Mr. Carrot familiar 'cos Patience has always been bugging him to get Mr. Carrot for her. Anyway Patience has always had latent feelings for Mr. Carrot and having met him again recently, she asked him out. Unfortunately, Mr. Carrot declined her offer. Perhaps he knows how she feels and doesn't wish to encourage her feelings.
So i came home yesterday to find Patience sulking on my bed. I explained to her that i won't be able to find her the right rabbit if she keeps harping on Mr. Carrot. I mean, if he's already the "perfect rabbit" in her mind, how would "anybunny" else measure up?
Patience is in quite a quandary now. I told her that God, in His perfect timing, will find her the right rabbit. I'm not saying it couldn't be Mr. Carrot.. just that perhaps they're both not ready for each other yet. Patience asked me for some "if then else" action plan that she can stick to. I told her that this time, i don't know if it's a good thing to map out what steps she might want to take. Perhaps when it comes to affairs of the heart, it's better to wait for God to act, instead of grabbing strongly onto our own "if then else".
Weather Report
I'm the sort who gets really affected by my dreams. If i have a happy dream, i can wake up feeling sky high the whole day. But when i have an unpleasant dream, i wake up with an equally heavy heart that burdens me throughout the day. This weekend, i've not had very good dreams. Usually when i'm feeling down, i like to go to sleep 'cos i usually feel better when i wake up (i think one tends to look at things more negatively when the mind/body is tired) but i've been waking up feeling rather sad. Once again, it's time to deal with the reality of dark skies.
No Lifer
Some bigshot in my company was in town today and so there was a happy hour thingy at OneFullerton, with finger food and drinks paid for by the company. Wasn't that keen on going 'cos i don't know most of the people in the company that well and was afraid i would be forced to make "how's the weather" type of conversations...then again, i thought it may be good to go so i could get to know more people. I mean... it's quite a "chicken or the egg" kind of thing right?
In the end, my HOD set a "directive" that all of us had to be there (or at least those who didn't have any prior appointment) and so i went. It was ok... an informal setting and i mingled with my dept people, and the few girls that i know from work.
Being a no lifer with no program on a Friday night, I stayed till the end of the happy hour. Was undecided whether to stay on for even more drinks or to go home but chose the latter instead 'cos i didn't know the group that was staying on very well.
Walked to Cityhall mrt with my "neighbour" at work. Sigh... after reaching home, i felt damn super sian man... it's like... what the heck am i doing home at 9:30pm on a Friday night!! Talk about no life lor! But what to do? Really no exciting programme to attend... so i came on the Internet. Spoke a little to some friends online but still felt darn bored...
Then a crazy thought crossed my mind! Maybe i should send an sms to Cuppaccino! Just for the kick of it. Asked my good son Gouki for his opinion and he was all for it. I suspect he was bored at home on a Fri night and was keen to see some action... at his lao ma's expense.
I sent the sms. Just a simple text to say hi and about not having the chance to talk to him. Gouki asked what was my objective? Frankly, nothing. I'm not keen on him in the slightest way... but just wanted to do something wild (it was this or confronting who's really bothering me) and so i did.
The outcome? I'm being silently rejected. :P (Yo azure - guess this makes up for the "crazy" thing i was supposed to do on my birthday.)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ok... i wasn't silently rejected. Got a reply from Cuppaccino this morning. He rushed off for another meeting last nite and is on his way to Sydney now. Haha... busy guy. I want a job that allows me to travel too! :P
Saturday 4/6/2005, 11:06am
Would you make the call?
Am waiting for Zounds to send me a video of stuff that i can blackmail him with now. Think it's gonna take about 30min so i thought i'll share something more lighthearted.
A couple of weeks ago, i got to know this rather cute guy. Let's call him Cuppaccino. Feeling rather adventurous 'cos i was on a birthday high, i decided to initiate a conversation with him. So i went up to him one day, and struck up a conversation. After exchanging a few pleasantries, i confessed that i had forgotten his name and i re-introduced myself. He said he remembered my name... and told me his name was _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . He then picked up this telephone directory that was lying around, and showed me where i could find his name. He kept pointing at the telephone directory and i thought to myself then, "ok... are u trying to hint to me to call u?". I was standing some distance away then so i couldn't see what was written on the paper. Anyway, i very quickly ran out of conversation and left.
After i got back, i checked the copy of the telephone directory i had with me and saw that there wasn't any telephone number next to his name in the directory. That got me a little puzzled as to what he was pointing to.
I soon forgot about that little mystery till last week, when i was in the same place that i saw the cute guy. I saw the directory on the table and so i picked it up to take a closer look at it... ah... then the puzzle pieces fell in place. The directory he was pointing to was a different version from the one that i had, and it had his mobile number next to his name. Heh... so was he hinting to me to call him after all?
Oh well, too bad i suppose... 'cos it's just not me to make the first call to a guy. Anyhow, i saw Cuppaccino again recently and got reminded of the incident. I actually found it quite amusing... heh heh... my good friend ssrv036 thinks that i should give him a call... though she would never do it for the life of her. Hahah... oh well, maybe i should take note of the number... in case i ever get bored sometimes.... ;)
The "one" that got away
I have to apologize to anyone who signed up with Spedia on my recommendation. I was wondering why i could not get my cheque, and when i tried emailing the company, the mail bounced back to me. Did a search on the Internet and learnt that the company has been defaulting on cheques payable to members since 2002 (or thereabouts). Everyone praised Spedia for its prompt payment, etc, when it first started but i guess things went downhill.
Feeling a little peeved 'cos i'm eligible for a USD47.60 cheque from them. But i can only blame myself for being so latently passive that i didn't submit a request for payment in the last 4 years! The last time i actually logged onto Spedia was when i was still staying in the hall! Sigh... it's always the same lesson - u just gotta strike while the iron's hot!
I've learnt over the years that inertia, whether it's due to laziness or fear of failure, can lead to deep regrets later in life. I'm the most risk-averse person i know - right down to inane things like refusing to walk on drain covers for fear of it giving way. And this aversion to risk (and failure) has caused me heartache and regrets - regrets over things i failed to do, people i failed to cherish, and passions i failed to pursue.
I have 3 regrets in life. The first was not having shown enough care & concern for my "nanny" before she passed away. When i was young, my mom's ex-colleague's mother used to babysit me. After i grew older, i shifted back to stay with my parents but i would visit her (i call her "Auntie Nanny") during the school holidays. Sadly, as i grew more independent, i spent more of my holidays with my friends and activities, and my visits to Auntie Nanny got less and less frequent. By the end of my primary school years, i stopped visiting Auntie Nanny totally. I used to tell myself, it's ok, the next holidays i would go visit... and i would buy her fruits... or when i grow up, i'll definitely visit her more and buy her things that she likes.... but i'm not going to get the chance to do that 'cos Auntie Nanny passed away when i was in secondary school.
Whenever i think of Auntie Nanny, i can't help but cry 'cos i really miss her and i know she loved me very much. Her love for me did not diminish even when she started taking care of her own grand-daughter. I remember during Auntie Nanny's last days, i visited her a few times at her home. By then, her memory wasn't very good anymore and sometimes she would ask her daughter why i didn't visit her, when i saw her just the day before.
I really miss Auntie Nanny. I was a lot closer to her than my own grandmothers. I also miss Uncle William, Auntie Nanny's husband a lot. He passed away when i was in primary 4 and 'cos i was very young then, my dad did not bring me to the hospital to visit him on his deathbed. But i remember hiding in the toilet and crying very hard the day he died. My dad was at the hospital and my dad told me that he asked for me but they didn't want to bring me to the hospital. I would have really wanted to go 'cos i know this elderly couple treated me like their own.
Now, all i have left from them is a rocking chair that Auntie Nanny gave me when my parents & i shifted to Bedok Court. That was in 1986 and the rocking chair was a housewarming gift from her. Although the chair is only meant for children, and the seat's been damaged (first by a primary school classmate and i never quite forgave her for that... then permanently broken by the most idiotic, rambunctious freak that happens to be my cousin), the rocking chair's still in my room. I'm never going to throw it away 'cos it's a gift from Auntie Nanny. I also have this small decorative green and gold clock that Auntie Nanny gave me.... she was terminally ill then and she didn't have much assets to give away... so she started giving away these small treasures that were precious to her.... and hence precious to me.
In the first few years following Uncle William & Auntie Nanny's death, i used to dream of them coming back to visit me. I wasn't afraid that they were ghosts... and in fact, i was happy to see them in my dream. When i woke up, i would pray to God to give me the chance to see them in Heaven in future. I also prayed that God would help me tell them that i love them and i would never never ever forget their kindness & love.
The 2nd regret i have is regarding a choice i made in JC. When i was younger, i used to be extremely headstrong and stubborn. Everything was "black and white" to me. I wasn't one to allow for grey areas, and every choice i made had to be "right" or "wrong". I was supposed to be still "attached" then... though i hadn't seen my boyfriend in 6 months. Reasons for that i'll save for another blog entry.....
During that time, i started hanging out with a good friend of mine. We used to watch movies at the old Cathay cinema (next to the now defunct Picturehouse) and we would also go Plaza Singapura (the old building) to jalan jalan. One night, i was talking to this good friend on the telephone (don't u miss the good ol' days of phone conversations instead of the sms exchanges we have now?) and this friend sorta asked if he stood a chance. By then, i had already given up on my boyfriend and i had feelings for this good friend. But in wanting to be "black & white", i said no. Which was just plain dumb.
Anyhow, this friend soon left Singapore to study overseas. Initially, we still kept in touch by phone but distance gradually won and we contacted each other less & less. That was in 1997. Skipping forward to 2001... this good friend graduated and returned to Singapore. I just broke up with my 2nd boyfriend then (oh dear... if my mom reads this, she's going to flip 'cos she never knew i was attached before... wahahaha) and confided in this good friend.
I remember our first meeting / outing after he came back was to Katong Shopping Centre to have chicken rice. (OMG... i can even remember the last meal we had together before he went overseas to study was at Parkway's Burger King and we had BBQ Bacon meal...and we took no. 12 home... Iceman - and u thought i was being overly sentimental about the hp cover). Anyway, we eventually got together... but it didn't last very long. Somehow, things just weren't the same anymore. I could regale u with many accounts of happy memories... but it doesn't matter. Although i sometimes dream of what could-have-been, it really doesn't make a difference. The point is, once u let slip an opportunity, even if it came by again, it would never be the same. As a Chinese saying goes, 过了这个村，就没有这个店. (Once you pass this village, you won't find the same shop.)
Sigh... it isn't good to have an elephant's memory when it comes to things that happened in the past. I shall leave my 3rd regret for another entry. This is getting too depressing.... i can't believe this deluge of thoughts came just from a stupid cheque that got away... sheesh...
A Simple Truth
I have a rabbit called Patience. She turned 7 last December. Patience has a suitor called Mookie. Mookie's a cow (ok, bull actually), that came to live with us in about 2001 / 2002. Mookie fell in love with Patience at first sight and has been an ardent suitor of Patience but Patience doesn't like Mookie. Patience gets very annoyed by him and she has asked me a few times to get her a compatible male rabbit. I always tell Patience that I haven't found anyone suitable yet... almost all my rabbits are in pairs except her so she feels a little left out sometimes.. but mostly she's ok.
A couple of days ago, Patience started treating Mookie a little better (she's usually really mean to the poor bull). I asked Patience if she's started to change her opinion of Mookie and decided to accept him? Patience said no. She said she was touched that Mookie has liked her for so many years but, "I want a rabbit boyfriend", she whispered in my ear. I promised her that I'll find her one some day. I haven't found the right rabbit for her but i know there's 1 out there and i only want the best and most suitable rabbit for her, so that she, like all my other rabbits, will live in the most perfect happy ever after.
Last year, I got a book for Christmas called, "When God Writes Your Love Story". It's an interesting book (anyone who wants to borrow, just let me know). One lesson i learnt from the book is that it's really not just about "learning to love the person you marry"... it should be to love your husband/wife, before you even meet him/her! For anyone who's still caught up in the dating cycle, i think we usually tell ourselves that it's ok... each broken relationship is an experience whereby we learn something. But with each broken relationship comes pain, hurt, scars... and do we really need one more painful experience? It appears to me that it's just another self-consoling thing to say.
Why do we always admire and look in awe when we see 2 people who are both each others' first gf/bf fall in love & get married? Part of the amazement probably stems from the fact that chances of that happening in this day and age is near zilch... but a sense of wonder also arises from the fact that that would be the most romantic love story. When we were all young, and innocent, we would dream of meeting our prince charming/snow whife, get married and live happily ever after. We don't dream about meeting a couple of toads first, dating some evil step-sisters, then finally settle for someone that we could probably live with for the rest of our lives, and get married 'cos we want the government's baby bonus right?
Has romanticism died? I don't know man.. but let me not be the one to kill it. Maybe God has been trying to teach me something through Patience all along...
Chewbacca has Left the Country
As i write this, our dear friend Chewbacca has skipped town. Ok, he didn't exactly skip town. Chewbacca has gone on a 6 month mission trip to the USA. He is serving with the Continential Singers as an Assistant Director on the tour.
It is always sad when friends leave the group 'cos you get so used to them being around. It is also always sad when some friends return from overseas but the friendship isn't quite the same as before. But i suppose as long as they're happy and they remain close to God, that is really quite enough for me to know.
Maybe that's why i like to read my frens' blogs. I don't always make a comment, but i do like seeing what's happening in their lives - basically just to know that they're coping well. Most importantly, i know i will never pass up the chance just to say a simple "hi" to any friend i might bump into anyplace, anywhere.
Went to bed about 6:10am.. and dragged myself out of bed at 7:28am - and that was after 2 wake up sms-es, 1 wake up call, 2 handphone alarms, and 1 alarm clock. Felt too bloated after breakfast to go back to bed when i got home about 9:15am. So i surfed around till now... i think it's time to go back to bed. Darn... it's 11:49am already?? That's half the day gone. Argh.. and i do want to watch more episodes of Golden Faith! :(
I don't want to work 6 day weeks!
Official Website : http://tvcity.tvb.com/drama/golden_faith/story/index.htmlReleased in : 2002Cast (will change the names to hanyu pinyin as i go along) : Gallen Lo - Ding Shanben IvanJessica Hester Hsuen - Tianlan aka RachelRaymond Lam - Oscar DingMyolie Wu - Ting YinyinDeric Wan - Zhong ShoukangGigi Wong Sook Yee - Mrs TingChan Pui - Ting RongbangAnne Heung - Sabrina Kwai Lau FuMichelle Yip - XiaoyuSek Sau - Hung Pak TouTavia Yeung - Kiko Chan Kwok Pong - Kai KaiLok Ying Kwan - Ting Wing Tong (2nd Uncle)Lau Dan - father of KikoCheng Chi Seng - fiance of RachelAi Wai - Jack Chiu Episode 1 - 3The story starts off in Australia. Shanben and Tianlan meet at the airport. Tianlan is on her way to visit her boyfriend, Chi Seng. Coincidentally, Shanben is also on his way to meet Chi Seng, but for business. Unknown to Tianlan, Chi Seng is actually a homosexual and he has decided to dump Tianlan for his boyfriend, Kim. Chi Seng's aunt tries very hard to dissuade Chi Seng from dumping Tianlan but fails. Heartbroken and shocked by the news, Tianlan takes a walk at a goldmine and wanders into this abandoned mine.Chi Seng doesn't dare to follow her 'cos she said she wanted some space so he asks Shanben to go after Tianlan instead.Shanben follows Tianlan into the abandoned mine and a partial collapse of the mine causes them both to be trapped. Sparks develop and after they are rescued, we can see that both leads are keen on finding out more about the other.The next day however, Shanben rushes back to Hong Kong w/o informing Tianlan and she is disappointed about his abrupt departure.Shanben was actually called back to Hongkong by his father's assistant. Shanben's father, Ding Rongbang used to be a smuggler. One of his old partners in crime, Chai, recently commited a spate of robberies. With the police hot on his heels, he had no choice but to find a way to leave HK. As he couldn't raise enough cash to flee the country, he approached Ding Rongbang for help. After a tough negotiation, Ding Rongbang decides to give in to his request 'cos Chai once saved his life many years ago.A few days later, while Ding Rongbang was at the hospital for a medical checkup, Chai calls his mobile phone repeatedly. The phone is eventually answered by Shanben who decides to pass the HKD 5mil to Chai on his father's behalf. Unfortunately, there is an undercover police, Zhong Shoukang among Chai's men. After Shanben passes the money to Chai, the latter insists that Shanben accepts the loot in exchange for the money. Shanben refuses to take the money but Chai just dumps the bag of loot into the back of Shanben's car (lesson to learn - don't drive to any negotiations with the top of your convertible down).The minute Chai throws the bag of money into Shanben's car, Shoukang and a team of police close in to arrest them. Shanben is charged with buying stolen goods. The public prosecutor turns out to be Tianlan. She goes all out to nail him. Shanben's lawyer manages to produce many character witnesses to testify that Shanben is a filial son and that it is his nature to return any kindness that was done for his family. Ding Rongbang is also called to the witness stand and he confesses that many years ago, he used to be a smuggler. During a police raid, Chai once took a bullet for him and because of that, he wanted to repay his indebtedness to Chai. He testifies that his son is an innocent party.The jury rules that Shanben is innocent and he is acquitted. His father's testimony causes a huge furore and the press hounds the family relentlessly. At a charity auction soon after, Ding Feng Hang (the jewellery arm of the Ding family biz) is forced to withdraw from the auction because of dissent by a fellow jewellery, Xiong.We also learn that the top jewellery designer from Ding Feng Hang, Sabrina, used to work for Xiong, and was his mistress. Sabrina shows signs of liking Shanben.. but yet she's also uncomfortable when she sees Xiong and his wife. Some people misunderstand that Shanben & Sabrina have a thing going but Shanben has made up his mind to woo Tianlan. On her way to work one day, Tianlan sees a policewoman, Xiaoyu chasing a thief and she stops her car to give chase as well. We find out later that the policewoman is really Tianlan's younger sister. Personal Comments for Epi 1-3Oh... that was a handful to type. I'm not a very good storyteller so i'm just listing down the main points as i remember them. It may not be in the same order as what was shown on TV 'cos I wanted to make it flow as much as possible... and i'm still struggling with how much info to give, and how much petty detail can be done away with. Do check out the TVB website for further information okie? :)
Review of TV Serials
I'm not sure how this is going to pan out but i suddenly thought of doing a mini serial review of sorts. After Square Pegs (which was tedious to write a summary from episode 1-20 at one go), i thought of maybe jotting down memorable notes in the story as i watch each episode or each block of episodes. Decided to start with the serial i'm watching currently - Golden Faith. Ok... those of you who're following it regularly on Ch U now will definitely be way ahead of me 'cos i just started watching the episodes that my mom taped for me. But i gotta start somewhere right? :)
Sentimentalism vs Materialism
Spedia never replied my email. I ran some checks on the Internet and came across this site - http://www.gptboycott.com/programs/programs.php?program=Spedia. Seems to me that Spedia has crapped out. I apologize to Musicman and anyone else who signed up for this. Previously, there were people (friends of mine) who got the cheque but i think the company's a scam now. Please do NOT sign up with Spedia!
Did a check on Netbux too. So far no bad rep. Heh.
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Left my blue rabbit handphone sock in the toilet at Wisma Atria today! :'( Was holding 2 envelopes, my bag, and my hp when a call came in... so i chucked the hp sock on the toilet paper holder and i forgot to take it when i left the toilet! :( Gotta go look for another one... and i want an identical one! :(
Was mulling over this the whole time i was on my way to Simei. Immediate thought was to go to Eastpoint shopping centre to look for an identical hp sock. Searched through the place but i couldn't find the same one... there was one with the same design, but it was in grey, not blue. Sigh. So upsetting. I think my bad habit of being overly sentimental is back. I tend to place too much affection and feelings on my soft toys and almost all inanimate object that i own. It irks me when i see people ill-treating soft toys, or not taking proper care of their things.
Sigh... i think that's how i started accumulating so much "rubbish" (my mom thinks its rubbish) in my bedroom. I even have this old Palm IIIc that my friend & i won in a contest in 2001 and it was given to me. Even though i don't use the Palm IIIc anymore, now that i have my Tungsten E, i still can't bear to give, throw, or sell it away.
Over-sentimentalism is also probably the reason why i carry some really old photos with me in my wallet... i have photos of Iceman, Qingfu, Singnet friends and some other special friends in my wallet. All the photos were taken during times that make up some of the happiest moments in my life - JC days, special occasions, etc. I'm not so close to some of the friends in the photos anymore. But i thank God that i ever spent happy times with them and i guess sometimes, it's the memories that count.
Sigh... unfortunately, one cannot survive on sentimentalism alone. Today, a friend asked me to check out this search engine that promises to pay you when you use its services to do a search. Curious, I went to sign up for it as well. If you're keen on earning a bit of pocket money like me (once again, i'm slaved to my car even before i see it...), do sign up at http://netbux.org/?r=268472 ya? Hope you can sign up under my id so i can earn that little bit of referral points!After signing up for the above, i recalled that many years ago, when i was working in Singnet helpdesk, i once signed up for this programme called Spedia and basically it runs ads on a bar that u can dock anywhere on your screen. As long as you're actively surfing, Spedia will clock points which you can eventually exchange for money.I also remember that someone i recommended Spedia to actually got a USD30 cheque - something like that right Zounds? Thus, since i'm on this expedition to earn more money now, i went to check out my Spedia account... and lo & behold! My account's still alive! And i actually have USD47 unclaimed from 2001! I followed the instructions to the page to request for a cheque to be sent to me... but i couldn't find the button! :(Nevetheless, i've written in to them to request for them to send a cheque to me and i believe they will honour their word. After all, i DO know of someone who got a cheque before! Ok... so if anyone's keen on earning this money too, please sign up at http://www.spedia.net/cgi-bin/tz.cgi?run=show_svc&fl=8&vid=594339 okie? Oh cool... just went to check... big thanks to Musicman for signing up under me. :) Thank you, thank you! :P
